Called

A post I wrote years ago, before the Calling was left behind:

When I was a kid, I was weird. Big surprise, huh? You know how most kids would watch cartoons and then run outside and pretend they were the superhero? I was the kid that pretended he was the villain.

Another thing, you know how most kids wanted to be a cop, or a fireman, or an astronaut. Not me. I remember briefly wanting to be a doctor, but I was real young, and my mom thought that was a good way for her to retire. But, the first dream I formulated myself wasn’t medical, it was spiritual.

I have always wanted to be a pastor. I grew up around the Church, listening to church folks converse, and watching pastors minister. I look back on my life and I can see how pastoral ministry has been inevitable for me.

• I preached my first sermon in 5th grade (I stood on a crate to see over the pulpit)
• I was 14 the first time I helped a person convert to Christianity. She was about 35.
• I sat by myself on the bus because I brought my Bible with me to school.
• I could spell Ryrie before I could spell my last name. I was kind of a Bible geek.

I also recall being aware that I was on track to become a pastor. I felt the “calling.” Then I hit adolescence in full force. Also, I started attending a Christian high school. That cured of a lot of my passion for ministry.

Anyway, here I am living the dream. How many people can say that? How many people can say, “I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do”? I can. Which is why I will have such a hard time leaving the Calling behind.

I love the Calling. I love the Ministry. I am unspeakably disappointed and frustrated by the Church, and what the Church turns people into. I lie awake at night, wondering if I’ve actually become the villain.